Re: VIRUS ALERT!

[jeremy@xxxxxxxxx (Jeremy H. Griffith)]

On Sat, 11 Mar 2000 13:39:55 -0700 (MST), Dan Emory <danemory@primenet.com> wrote:

>The below message was forwarded to me this morning. I do not know the sender,
>nor do I have any way of verifying it.
>============================================================================
>NEW VIRUS
>     
>       To All:
> We have been informed of a new virus - " WOBBLER." It will
> arrive  on   e-mail  titled "How to Give a Cat a Colonic."
>CALIFORNIA IBM and AOL  have  announced

For Pete's sake.  Please, if you just have to post any Virus
Alerts, be sure to put HUMOR: in the subject line so that
someone who's only been on the Net for a week isn't confused.
I presume anyone who's been on it longer KNOWS BETTER than
to believe this drivel...

For the benefit of any Net newbies, virus alerts NEVER come
from IBM, AOL, or any other corporation.  They do not ever 
come by email, but by posting on a Web site like:

  The Computer Incident Advisory Capability, US DoE
  http://www.ciac.org/

  FedCIRC, the Computer Incident Response Capability
  http://www.fedcirc.gov/

  McAfee's, an anti-virus software vendor
  http://www.mcafee.com/

CIAC has a good page on hoaxes and chain letters... here is my
personal favorite.  Send it to everyone you know.  <vbg>

=====================================================================
Written by Patrick J Rothfuss, December 1996

READ THIS:

        Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but
it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It
will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice
cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit
cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field
harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.

        It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It
will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and
leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming
over. It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit
pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work.

        Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will
give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your
gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your
girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to
your Discover card.

        It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she
is dead, such is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the
grave to sully those things we hold most dear.

        It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't
find it. It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on
your boss's voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It
is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather
interesting shade of mauve.

        Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the
toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methanphedime in your bathtub
and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase
gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.

        Listen to me. Goodtimes does not exist.

        It cannot do anything to you. But I can. I am sending this
message to everyone in the world. Tell your friends, tell your
family. If anyone else sends me another E-mail about this fake
Goodtimes Virus, I will turn hating them into a religion. I will do
things to them that would make a horsehead in your bed look like
Easter Sunday brunch.

So there, take that Good Times. 
=====================================================================

-- Jeremy H. Griffith, at Omni Systems Inc.
   (jeremy@omsys.com)     http://www.omsys.com/
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